The Latest Halloween Costumes for Kids…?!?

Article written by: SoJones Asmara
Posted on: October 15, 2009

There’s a new definition of ’scary’ when it comes to today’s Halloween costumes for children.

The manufacturers will argue that they are just giving the consumer what they want and it’s all in good fun. And we’ll bet some of these examples below are brisk sellers in certain parts of the country.

But are we too old-fashioned, or are these kiddie costumes disturbingly too adult? It makes you wonder when parents nod approvingly and head up to the cash register with these getups. What exactly are their hopes and aspirations for their young sons and daughters when they dress them in outfits like… 

This little darling above is called ”Major Flirt” according to her sewn-on nametag. Her outfit comes in tween sizes, good for girls ages 10-14.

If you’ve been dreaming of seeing your daughter dressed as a cross between a leather boy and a drag queen… run, don’t walk and snap this up. Complete with metal studded collar, belt and platform boots. Bullet belt not included.

Mash up a streetwalker, a pirate and a cheerleader and the above is what you get out the other end.

The child model seems to know her outfit is so heinous– she can’t keep a guilty look off her face. The leather lace-up gloves are the icing on the cake! For the devil’s advocates that say “hey that’s not so bad, her midriff and legs are actually covered up“: keep in mind they are covered by RED FISHNET BODY STOCKINGS.  For 10 year olds. 

For those of you who prefer a more purist and traditional approach, we recommend the pirate child bride costume: guaranteed to fetch the highest price for your little one at the slave auction.

Okay, I have mixed feelings about the one above. With the shades it’s kind of cute, a lil’ diva in the making. But then I look at the metallic miniskirt and the “BOOTS WITH THA FURRRR” (says Nelly)… hmmm.

Meet Lil’ Miss Anna Nicole Smith! Pink horns, hot pink pants and a fur trimmed, off the shoulder top are the perfect preparatory materials for your child’s graduation from the swing sets to the stripper pole. Fake boobs sold separately.

 

Does your gradeschool daughter beat the hell out of her siblings just for the pure pleasure of doing it? Does she seem to enjoy torturing babysitters, grandparents, and the mail carrier? Then how about a kiddie dominatrix costume for your budding sadist? Complete with intimidating but sexy face mask and pink animal print jumpsuit, she’ll finally be able to put that cat o’ nine tails she got for last Christmas to good use.

 Another tween costume. Your 7 year old is just going to have wait another 5 whole years before she can fit into this amazing creation. We recommend she practice her “12 going on 20″ knowing smile in the mirror for best effect.

 Now, think you got things easier because you have an all-boys club in your family?  Think again.  

Yes this is scary and no, your 4rd grader is not old enough to pull a Marilyn Manson look.  Might be ‘okay’ on a 30 year-old, but rather disturbing on a 10 year-old.

  

Same for the Jason hockey mask spattered with gore getup.

But be aware that there are bloodless costumes that are just as disturbing…

Trick… or treat! Let’s get this straight: until your child is mature enough to understand what a pimp really does, avoid anything made from velvet, animal prints and goldfish platform shoes.

Parents, we hope this public service announcement was helpful in drawing the line between fun and freaky for your brood. Happy Halloween!